Invisible to Myself
by The Dormant Princess
Summary: Did you ever wonder what it would feel to be invisible? It can be have its advantages and of course have its disadvantages. Only you can escape and change the views of others. WARNING! Title may change... SD pairing
1. Chapter 1

**Invisible to Myself**

**Summary:** Did you ever wonder what it would feel to be invisible? It can be have its advantages and of course have its disadvantages. Only you can escape and change the views of others.

**Author's Note:** Yes, I'm going to be working on two stories. It shouldn't be very hard because I already have a few of the chapters written. Please excuse me because I'm still very new to writing after this long period of break. Yes, well, I hope you enjoy it!

Chapter One

My name is Serena Tsukino and this is my story. I am the junior everybody wants to be. I'm intelligent, popular, and girlfriend of the varsity quarterback.

-Okay, so my life isn't really that extravagant. Rewind.

I am the junior that everyone knows (or in most cases, doesn't). I am the shadow of my older sister (she is living the life I told of above), so basically other than calling me, "Raye's sister", they don't know my name. Okay, so I'm not as remarkable as my perfect older sister. But does that give my parents a reason to overlook me too? Yes. They expect me to be just like Raye. Well, I'm sorry to disappoint them, but it is impossible! I mean, how can I compete with that? Going to be valedictorian, basically captain of every sport, student body president, and not to mention the girl who got "the looks" in the family.You've got to admit having long silky raven locks, pale porcelain skin, and complimenting intense violet eyes is a bit intimidating to go up against. Against that, my features are nothing.

Sure, I am smart, but I can never reach her level. I'm good at track and volleyball, but she's better. I'm not in any honor societies or anything like that since people say that I "lack the leadership skills" or anything else people see in Raye. I only have creativity, which unfortunately, Raye doesn't have. It is too bad no one seems to notice that I'm in choir, drama, and art. My parents haven't even been to any of my recitals, plays, or art gallery shows. They are too busy going to Raye's things that they forgot about mine. See what I mean? I don't even bother to tell them anymore because they won't even show up. Under all of this, I have only one person willing me to continue to exist in this harsh world. My best friend.

Darien Shields. He is the only one who seems to notice me - better yet, acknowledge my existence! When I am upset, somehow he makes me smile again and forget why I was upset at the first place. he knows if I have been crying or if I had gotten a half an inch of the ends of my hair cut. Darien knows the littlest things, every detail about me. He's also another perfect person. The only thing he doesn't know is himself.

Darien doesn't seem to notice that he is drop-dead gorgeous. Dark onyx hair that he every now and then he flips slightly with his head to move it out of the way of his eyes. His eyes... He has the most beautiful ocean blue eyes that you will ever see. They are so beautiful that you can get lost in their pools of stormy blue. But you get forced back to reality when he blinks and you only see his eyelids and thick long lashes (which only seem to add more mystery to him). I think those are his best features, but those are not his only physical attractions. He even has the perfect build - not too muscled, but enough to know he's not one to go up against. Darien has girls flocking after him and throwing themselves at him right before his eyes. But it is like they doesn't exist to him. Only me. This factor is a good thing, but it kind makes you feel insecure about yourself. I will never be liked by lots of guys because I can never look as gorgeous, be at his level of looks. Never.

Okay, so maybe I live in the shadow of _two_ people -my sister for everything and Darien for his appearance. You get intimidated easily surrounded by these kind of people everyday and when you get green with envy, they remind you that they are nothing special. That just goes to show that they are perfect. They are kind and care about other people instead of acting upon the jealousy you emit. This kind of behavior makes me go mad because I wouldn't be able to be like that.

You are all probably saying my life can't be that bad. It is. Being constantly compared to you sister, ignored by everybody **INCLUDING **your parents, so basically living, but not able to be seen by everyone. I never get anything new, only Raye's leftovers. To my parents, I'm just an object to yell at for being the way I am. All of the teachers look down on me like I am a disgrace to my family. Is it my fault I don't come as close as Raye? Only Darien seems to see that I am not an object, but a human that has feelings, ambitions, goals, just like everybody else.

The way I bring myself down makes me sound as if I'm hideous right? Well, I'm not going to lie. I'm not that disgusting to look at that you have to shield your eyes from burning, but just an average looking person. Nothing spectacular to make you stop and look at in the street. Normal height, blue eyes, blond hair, in shape (only because of the sports that I play)... That's it about me. I'm not so beautiful that I would have much detail to. Just simple. That is exactly how I am. And I guess that's what makes me so invisible to my surroundings.

**Better than my other story? I don't exactly know how to continue my other story and I had this one written a little before my disappearance... Don't expect frequent updates with the other one. This one shall be updated quicker than the other one because I had already written a few of the chapters. Anyway, hope you enjoyed and tell me what you think about it. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Invisible to Myself**

**Summary:** Did you ever wonder what it would feel to be invisible? It can be have its advantages and of course have its disadvantages. Only you can escape and change the views of others.

**Author's Note:** I appreciate the reviews and everything. I'm sorry that I cannot review very often. It's just that life gets in the way. Well, here is the next chapter (written in Serena's POV) and I hope that you enjoy it. Those lyrics at the bottom are credited to me and only me (I am also working on a song...).

Chapter Two

Another year. Another day is going to go by with me unnoticed.

"Would you stop?" Darien commanded annoyed.

"Stop what?" I replied with equal frustration.

"Looking like that. Looking like you already know your day is going to suck. It's only the first day. Now smile for me please?" Darien pleaded.

I rolled my eyes and applied a fake smile on my face.

"That smile was forced. Smile like you mean it," Darien ordered. "Don't be such a dork."

"I am a dork," I mumbled.

"Come on, don't be like that. You're not. You're beautiful, smart, creative... Definitely not a dork."

I looked down to cover the wide smile breaking out as a result of Darien's comments."Great, now that we've come to a conclusion that I'm not a dork, can we drop this?"

I probably didn't do a great job trying to conceal my grin because Darien ignored me and said, "You're smiling! If a compliment is all it takes then..."

"Yeah, yeah. Shut up."

"Serena, can't you see that you are more than what meets the eye?"

"I don't believe that is true standing next to my sister," I replied morosely.

"This is isn't about your sister. This is about you. Your sister may be at a high level in academics and athleticism, but if she doesn't have the ability to see things in another way, she stands no chance against you. How can you create great things without the right train of thought? You're so lucky to have both intelligence and logic on your side," Darien lectured.

"Yes, dad. I understand. Now if we don't get to class on time, we are going to be late on the first day," I sighed.

We sat down and listened, or pretended to listen to Mrs. Johnson's lecture of her class expectations this year in language arts. I passed doodles to Darien of me shoving a book into Mrs. Johnson's mouth. Darien tried to stifle a chuckle, but failed to as sound escaped his mouth.

Mrs. Johnson suddenly halted her speech. "Mr. Shields, does disrupting the class humor you?"

Darien cleared his throat and straightened. "Um, no ma'am."

"Really? I hear uncertainty in your voice."

"No, Mrs. Johnson," Darien restated firmly.

"Okay, because it is the first day, I will let you off the hook but if this happens again, be not surprised at the consequences ahead of you. This goes for everybody. As I was saying..."

I shot Darien an amused smirk and he returned it with a glare. He passed me a note that read: 'You owe me one'. In which I responded with a note that said, 'Yeah right. I didn't force you to laugh; you did that on your own'. Darien rolled his eyes and shook his head as he read it. I only smiled and started drawing on a fresh sheet of paper.

When class ended, Darien cornered me. "That wasn't fair."

"Life isn't fair, so get over it," I countered smugly.

"Always with your quick remarks," Darien commented annoyed.

"Hey, a brilliant mind came with the package you opened," I reminded him.

"Now, you acknowledge your abilities..." Darien replied sarcastically.

I giggled as we headed to the locker we shared. A girl passed by and threw me a dirty look. I rolled my eyes and sighed.

"What?" Darien asked noticing my change of emotion.

"Nothing."

"Just because you're smarter than me doesn't mean that I am stupid. Tell me what's wrong," Darien demanded.

"How does it feel to have almost all of the female population swoon over you? I wish I had that affect on guys..." I thought out loud.

"Serena, what's up with you today? You're really bringing yourself down."

"You asked what was going on in my mind and that was it. Do you even notice it?"

"Notice what?" Darien asked concerned.

"The girls all over you?"

"I do, but they aren't important to me. I just ignore it. I mean, it's flattering, but it gets really annoying. I mean, I am a person, not a god to freeze you in awe."

"I have people glaring daggers at me because I have the opportunity to even stand next to you, let alone talk to you. I try to ignore it too, but it gets to me." I sighed once again running my hand through my hair. "I just wish I had that same effect on guys even if it is once and while."

"You like it that I talk to only you right?" Darien joked lazily pulling me by the waist closer to him.

I felt my hears burn, but they were hidden behind my hair. I managed to keep a straight expression and rolled my eyes. "You're my best friend, of course you talk to me all the time."

"I just kidding okay," he defended giving me a noogey.

"Darien! You're messing up my hair that I attempted to fix today!" I screamed.

He laughed. "It looks fine to me."

"Ha ha. So funny that I forgot to laugh. Really, you should be a comedian some day." I looked at my reflection and combed through my hair. I exchanged my books for my next classes and closed the locker. "See you at lunch."

* * *

At lunchtime we met at our table and put our stuff down. 

"Buying lunch?" Darien asked.

"Nah. Can you just buy me a bag of chips or something?" I searched for my pocket for money.

"Alright," he said and dashed to the line.

"Hey, Serena. How was your summer?" Mina greeted.

Mina used to be my best friend too, so Darien, Mina, and I were the 3 Amigos, or Musketeers, but she started to fade away into the more popular crowd. Now, she only sits at our table from time to time. I come to her to talk about girly things that Darien wouldn't understand. Most people would say that we looked like twins; more alike than my sister and I do. The only differences between us was that she was a little taller, her hair was more golden blond, and she had a darker shade of blue eyes.

"Short. I wrote only two songs and I'm working on a third. I just stayed home, worked out or hung out with Darien and worked to pay for my private teacher."

"That sounds good, but I don't think you need a teacher because your are better than even the teacher."

"I'm not that good. I still need to know more than I already do, so in order to become as good as the teacher, I need one to teach me," I replied modestly.

"You're too humble. Anyway, listen, I've got to tell you something."

"Hey guys," Darien interrupted tossing me my chips.

"Later," Mina mouthed.

I nodded. We all talked about our summer. After Darien and I finished our lunch, we said good-bye and headed towards the music room. "I'm still writing the third song. I'll play you some of it," I uttered excitedly while grabbing the guitar.

I had been given the privilege to go in the music room any time I'd like before school, after school, and lunch because of my useful connections to the music director (I sing for the pep assemblies and I can use the room anytime).

I began to strum the chords of the chorus.

_And I'm...  
Trying to heal the wounds, but they won't heal  
Trying to stop the pain that I can't feel  
Oblivious from what is real  
You forced my heart to turn to steel_

After I finished, I looked at Darien and found him in deep thought. "It was that bad? I'm still not done, so I can change a few things..."

He quickly snapped back to reality. "No, it was perfect. It sounds like the best one yet. Look, Serena, you have to stop thinking you are nothing but thin air. I'm not saying that you should stop writing that song because it is beautiful, but really, you are a talented person and you don't even know it," Darien replied.

"If you were in my shoes, you would probably understand my situation a little better. Plus, you are only saying that because you're my best friend and no one else knows about me really when they get clouded by the power of my sister."

"Yes, but if they knew you like I do, they wouldn't be so consumed in Raye's presence. I don't think that you see the dazed look of every person in the audience when your voice travels throughout the crowd. You can bring everyone to a silence by just singing in perfect tune."

"Don't forget that Raye is a pretty good singer too. She just let go of that dream a long time ago when she discovered that she had other talents."

"Yes, but did she have the capability of writing and composing music? No. It all comes from the heart and creativity. Besides, she can't even play an instrument like you can."

"Do we always have to argue about this?" I asked frustrated.

"Only until you realize your real potential."

I nodded as the bell rang and we both went to class.

* * *

It was only the first day and I had homework already. What happened to those days when they just gave you those packets to finish and turn in at the end of the week? Life isn't as simple as it was when I was a kid. I had to do a five-page essay about myself and what I enjoy in language or what interests me in language. It's not that easy to write of accomplishments because some people don't obsess over themselves and like me, don't have many to report of. My paper would probably end up like this: 

_My name is Ms. Invisible Shadow Serena Tsukino and I love poetry and creative writing._

That about sums it up.

I walked out of the classroom when I heard a "Boo," whispered into my ears and nearly had a heart attack. I turned to find Darien laughing and clutching his stomach. "DARIEN! I thought that my heart stopped! And look what you made me do; my books are all over the floor..." I spoke clenching my jaw.

Darien stopped laughing when he spotted the look I gave him and immediately dropped to pick up my books in a frightened and frantic manner. "Sorry. I just had an exhausting day and..."

"-So you amuse yourself by nearly giving me a heart attack? Great way of enjoyment," I cut him off sardonically.

"So I'm guessing you aren't in a good mood," Darien smiled sheepishly.

I was taken aback from his warm smile that seemed to melt my posture. I escaped my drowning fate and cleared my throat. "What gave that away?..." I asked taking on an irritated character.

**What did you think of that? A sort of long chapter... Well, longer than I usually write anyway. Let me know what you thought!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Invisible to Myself**

**Summary:** Did you ever wonder what it would feel to be invisible? It can be have its advantages and of course have its disadvantages. Only you can escape and change the views of others.

**Author's Note:** Hey guys! Sorry for the delayed update. Too many things are going on.

Chapter Three

I took out the ear pieces of my iPod and set it on my desk before taking a shower. The hot water pounding on my muscles felt relaxing. I took in the aroma of the lavender chamomile body wash and the strawberry scented shampoo and conditioner. A strange combination, but whenever I take a whiff of those two I feel as if I was running in a field.

I haven't ran my daily five miles in weeks since I've started my job. I've been too worn out and run only a mile a few times a week. Even though my legs felt like they have been trampled by a wild herd, it still was refreshing when I felt the earth move swiftly beneath my feet.

Most people have an extreme distaste when it comes to running, but for me, it's another exhilarating getaway from the real world. I feel like I can escape my troubles and let my mind wander freely. I guess it's just the time of the day that I can finally exhale all the pent up emotions I have harbored that day. When you are like me, it is a necessity in life that prevents me from becoming asylum bound.

I sighed and turned off the shower. Quickly, I dried myself with a towel before changing into comfortable sleepwear: blue flannel pajama bottoms and a slightly over-sized white t-shirt.

After brushing my teeth and washing my face, I examined myself in the mirror. My face was unusually pale for this time of year and my eyes looked defeated and worn. My athletic body was abnormally scrawny that it almost looked like I was frail with disease. Now that I look at it, my clothes weren't always so over-sized on me; my muscles and curves would fill in all the now empty spaces. I really let myself go this summer and acting so defeated isn't really helping either. Track season is nearing and my condition isn't looking so hot; it's times like now that I've got to start shaping up.

With that last thought, my cell phone began ringing to my favorite Dashboard Confessional song, "As Lovers Go". "Hello?" I answered and sure enough it was Mina just like she had promised earlier.

"Hey, I called so that I could finally tell you about what I wanted to tell you earlier. I knew you'd probably be done working out at this time...-"

"Just get to the point already! I've been dying of curiosity since this issue seems to be so important not to say in front of Darien," I snapped.

Mina hesitated a bit before replying. "Okay. Um, you know I've been hanging around you guys since forever and recently we've gone apart, but there's reason for that."

"Yes... Continue," I urged.

"In-that-time-I-developed-a-crush-on-Darien," she muttered quickly, difficult to comprehend. "There I said it."

"What? Say that again. It just sounded like a bunch of gibberish. Repeat is more slowly." For a second, I thought that she said that she liked Darien. Never in a million years -wait no, never mind, there's not a girl that doesn't like _something_ about him.

I could hear Mina inhale deeply and then exhale in the phone. "Okay, I'll admit that I have a crush on Darien. I just couldn't stand just being friends and pretend I don't like him while he's just there being the image of perfection that he is, so I just left. I mean, you understand right? If you were in my position you would do the same? You've got to admit that Darien is not ugly, so it definitely is hard dealing with my feelings when I'm around him..." Mina rambled.

I was literally speechless. My heart beat quickened and everything was finally digesting.

"Serena?"

She forced me to compose myself. "Hm? Oh, yeah. A lot of girls like him and if I was in your shoes, liking a friend would be hard. It would really change the relationship and be difficult to hide your feelings. Plus, you worry constantly about things like if he found out, you would be rejected or something in that sense," I managed to say.

"Yeah. Exactly! It's great you understand, it's almost as if you speak from experience..."

I forced a laugh to escape my throat. "Yeah right." I tried to sound convincing and I guess it worked.

"The only guy that you could have experienced that with is Darien, but you guys are just friends. I admire you for that. I never thought that people of different genders could be 'just friends', but you obviously proved me wrong. And about that... I have another reason why I deserted you guys, but you have to promise not to be mad okay?"

Boy was she wrong in so many levels. I most definitely did have feelings for Darien and I most definitely am experiencing that with him. "Alright, I promise. Hit me with it."

"I was a little intimidated by you because you guys hung out more and you're so much prettier and talented. How can I compare to you? Of course he has to like you more," Mina confessed.

"Mina, you have no reason to be intimidated by me. We're only close because we've been friends for so long, since we were kids. I am not prettier; we're practically twins! And if I was, then why aren't I in the popular crowd with you? You are pretty talented yourself, what with your skills as an actress. Stop doubting yourself. You totally have a better chance with him. And it's funny because that's a feeling that I always feel with my sister." I know I lied, but what can I do? I can't just tell her that I like him too. I just have to sacrifice my own sanity for my friend because she does have a better chance. She doesn't really have much to lose anymore if Darien found out; me, everything is lost.

"You're so lucky to be good friends with him, know a lot of things that most people don't. Sure, Raye is on top of everything, but I think being perfect is so overrated. It's easier to hang out with someone that doesn't have to plan everything you have to do. You, you don't care as long as we are having fun. It doesn't always have to go as smoothly for it to be a good time," she retaliated.

"Mina, I appreciated everything you're telling me, but you are over exaggerating things. Perfect is not overrated. She the embodiment of the very figure I want to be. And I know that I'll never get there," I reasoned.

"That's true. You'll never be perfect. Serena, nobody is. Everybody has flaws. Raye for one, doesn't have artistic abilities whatsoever. She is so easily consumed in other things, she doesn't have time to take something and progress it. She can sing, but did she ever just stick to one thing? And, that bragging she does is ridiculous. You are humble and that's a good quality. You know how to use your talents and your sister knows how to show hers off. In the end, you are the better person because you think of other people and how they feel before you act. Raye doesn't know how to shut up about herself and in turn making the other person feel so badly of themselves. Sometimes, I feel like she's not even related to you guys. I mean, you and Sammy look alike, but her... I said that with no intended offense."

"None taken. Sometimes I wonder too, but she's been here all my life, so she's family. And, it's great that you think so well of me, but try changing the minds of everybody else. Everyone likes Raye whether they like to or not. Me, I'm just someone unknown and in the shadows," I sighed.

"Serena, who really cares about those people? High school is full of fake people, so you're wasting your time worrying about what other people think. As long as you have your real friends with you, they're all you'll ever need. You don't need people wanting to be your friend just because of your status. Think about it and I'll talk to you later."

As I looked up at the ceiling in the dark that night, I did exactly that.

**So, what do you think about this much awaited chapter. I know that it's been a little over two months, and I'm really sorry about that. Please review and tell me what you think about it.**


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